June 17, 2007

• Happy Fathers Day!!!

   

  
  

  Watching my husband over the years and seeing the difference between how fathers can be with their children I am always reminded of how God is a Father and how He is the perfect Father. When I was growing up I did not know who God was at all. I was raised by my father to not believe in anything like that. One of my memories of my father and I was when I was a little girl and my father had me on his lap and was showing me pictures from our encyclopedia set. The tremendous fear that set in my little mind and heart when he showed me the different types of captial punishment from around the world. This was in the 50′s and they were beheadng in France and using elephants to crush heads on tree stumps in India. I went to bed that night in complete fear that one day if I made a mistake I would die like that…maybe that is why I grew up to be such a people pleaser. I did eventually grow up and learn the difference between a perfect Father and an earthly father and to forgive my earthly father’s humanness even though he did some hard to get over things to me. He also was a good man. We lost him a few years ago and it was a hard time fraught with lots of hurtful things that ended up happening. One of the hardest things was not being at the hospital in time to say goodbye while he was coherent. But the hardest part of that was knowing that he rejected Christ all of his adult life. We tangled a few times over the “stupidity of believing in something you cant see” we agreed to disagree mamy times but toward the end he became very sarcastic and disagreeable and it became hard to have a relationship. His being sick added to this as well as a young woman who lived with him that was also in the big middle of his ultimate rejection of my sister and I over us being Christians. I cant tell you how hurtful that was to us. I had to go to counseling over the next year after his death to talk things through. It is too weird to know you loved someone so much but also had such a hard life with them that tried to negate all the good that was there. When I had pretty much accepted that my father died in his athiesm and his anger toward us I get a call from his sister in Iowa to tell me the last of his brothers had passed away. My favorite Uncle Marvin. In his last moments he told his family that he could see a bright light and then he said the words that ripped through my heart and soul….”and I see Bert and Glenn standing here”. Bert is my father. When my aunt told me this by phone just the other week a huge knot formed in my throat and years of pain and frustration poured out of my heart. I wept like I hadnt wept in years. I had been so uncertain about his life and where he was spending it that I walked around for years with such regret and “what ifs” that left such a painful place in my life that many times I just couldnt talk about my father. Now on this Fathers Day the first one since his death. I can honestly say, “Happy Fathers Day, Dad. I finally believe in my heart that I will see you again when this life is over for me.” It will be a wonderful reunion to say the least. One that I had always hoped for as a child. A relationship that should have been better than it was can now be put to rest as I am assured that somehow something made it through that crusty heart as he lay dying that inspired him to reach out and ask God for help. At which point the perfect Father extended His forgiving heart and welcomed him into eternity within Heaven’s Gate. This is my most memorable Fathers Day that I can remember…this is what I had prayed and hoped for for years and years and I believe that God is telling me, “Kerri dont worry anymore…he is here and safe with me…”

  
  

  Happy Fathers Day to all of you ….Fathers Day doesnt just affect fathers it affects the kids…forever .

  
  

   

  
  

  Happy Father’s Day to my favorite guy… and most wonderful father and husband I could ever hope to have! I love you, Mark! I am so glad God has given us all these more years than the Drs told us….God always has the last word on that! Thank you God and Happy Fathers Day to you! You’re the best!

  
  

  Love Kerri

  
  

    

  
  

   

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