February 28, 2008

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  I think I serously lost a pound from laughing so hard. I was reading it out loud to my family and you know when you are laughing so hard that you cant breathe and your laughter hits the extreme decibel levels and sounds like some strange animal well that was me about 10 min ago so now I have to post this and let you guys have some good belly laughing…

  I have had so many cats in my life and this could be taken from anyone of their brains!

  DOG DIARY
  
  8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
  9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
  9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
  10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
  12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
  1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
  5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
  7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
  8:00 pm – Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
  11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
  
  CAT DIARY
  
  Day 983 of my captivity.
  
  My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
  
  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
  hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
  rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
  keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
  escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
  Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
  feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
  clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
  condescending comments about what a “Good little hunter” I am. Bastards!
  
  There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
  placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
  I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
  confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this
  means, and how to use it to my advantage.
  
  Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
  tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
  this again tomorrow – but at the top of the stairs.
  
  I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
  The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and
  seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The
  bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the
  guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My
  captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he
  is safe.
  
  For now . . .

  • 7:57 pm
  • 6 Comments